Monday, April 11, 2011

The Boston Marathon 2022

The following is taken from the archives of The Stotan News. With the Boston marathon soon approaching I thought I would reprint this article. The inspiration for it was a conversation I had in the early 90's with a friend who finally realized his dream of running Boston.Unfortunately for him, his dream started to go bad when he attempted to make hotel reservations ten months before the start of the race. I'll always remember him saying,"I could get a room in Manhattan for half the price I paid for one just outside of Boston." Sadly for Dave,it was only the beginning of him feeling as if he was being "ripped off" everytime he turned around in Boston. What follows is a parody of his experiences put in a year 2022 setting.As a sidenote,the reference to Dr. Kenneth Cooper here may be unfamiliar to some readers. Cooper,who was an early advocate of aerobic training,garnered alot of press in the early 90's when he wrote that running too much was basically unhealthy. He said something to the effect--if you run more than 3 miles a day you are running for reasons other than health. Runners were quite surprised that he had said such a thing,people who were sedentary embraced it using it as validation that running was inherently dangerous to your health. "Remember what happened to Jim Fixx" they used to say.

Without a doubt the Boston Marathon is America's oldest and most prestigious marathon. These facts however haven't exempted it from criticism. As popular Buffalo runner Dave Phivekay has said,"you are gouged from the minute you plunk down the overpriced entry fee till you check out of your hotel(motel) that's made a point of doubling or tripling the price of every room in and around the Boston area."

Readers of "The News" will be happy to hear that we have obtained an advance copy of the B.A.A.'s(Boston Athletic Association) plans for a 125th anniversary celebration of the marathon to be held in 2022.What follows are some of the excerpts.

"In order to allow as many people as possible to "celebrate" and participate in this anniversary marathon,10 minutes will be added to all qualifying times. Those who are still unable to achieve their time can gain entry by paying a special $100. access charge in addition to the standard marathon application fee.Runners doing so will be given a free t-shirt (X-L only) that says on the front; "I'm training for the Boston Marathon." and on the back,"Everyone wins at Boston."

We will however be adding some new rules and making some changes with this 2022 edition of the marathon. The entry fee has been raised $55. to $199., but, this includes a free short-sleeved race t-shirt (X-L only),a $10. discount coupon for the pre-race pasta feed and free admission to the runner's expo(a $5. savings). In an attempt to deal with the anticipated massive influx of runners in need of accomodations,applicants will be directed to a particular motel(hotel) for lodging. Those desiring a hotel within 50 miles of the starting line can have one by paying a $75. finders fee. A 2 day committment for lodging is of course required by all prospective patrons. The B.A.A. wants everyone to have the opportunity to fully enjoy "Anniversary Marathon Celebration Weekend."

The Runner's Expo will be the pre-race gathering point for all runners and their families. A full slate of activities and vendors will be available. Past Boston marathon winners as well as elite U.S. runners will be at the Expo to sign autographs($10. each) plus pose for photos with all those who desire a picture ($20. for each 3"x5" pix).

Dr. Kenneth Cooper is directing the medical support team for the race. He'll be giving a 15 minute pre-race talk to the runners regarding critical health warning signs that you must be aware of as you traverse this difficult 26.2 mile course. At Dr.Cooper's recommendation aid stations will now be at each mile of the 26.2 mile course. Trained medical professionals will be at every station and WILL have the authority to remove any runner they perceive as being in "distress."

Finally, no race is complete without a post-race party. For a nominal fee ($10.),runners and their families can rehydrate and listen to pop recording stars Kool and the Gang sing this year's marathon theme song "Celebrate" as well as their other hits. Come on,be a part of the fun,history and tradition that is the Boston Marathon!"


  1. Dave, thanks for the link. We'll add it to the blog roll for sure.

    I agree about the Boston hype/gouge. That said, they recently made entry standards harder. So maybe there is hope...

  2. Thanks for doing so!
    Entry standards harder? Now that's good news. I remember back in the 70's and up until I think about the mid-80's,qualifying for Boston was a real challenge for most of us "mortals."